Toxicity= an extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful quality; the quality, state, or relative degree of being poisonous.
Most of us have a pretty good idea of the meaning of the word toxicity. Reading the definition here brings the clarity of its potential for destruction to a sharp point. We tend to think of things such as chemicals or foods or bacteria and viruses. However, this can certainly be applied to people and relationships, as many of us have likely experienced over the course of our lives. Generally speaking, relationships are more than acquaintances. Relationships are usually people whose lives we have somewhat invested ourselves with in some way. We have taken the time and effort to get to know them on a more intimate level. We have cared for them, tried to be there for them in their struggles and difficulties, encouraged them with kind words and advice in particular circumstances as best as we could. In short, we have been a friend to them in the true sense of the word.
But sometimes, friendships can really be one-sided, like a vacuum, always taking in but never giving back. Some people can be so self-absorbed that they only look at things from their own perspective—how they are affected. They never consider their actions or words and the effect they have on others. The very word relationship denotes a give and take element, a thoughtfulness to the concerns of each other. Sometimes we are giving more than receiving but we make those allowances because we are a friend and want to extend that care according to the need. In healthy relationships that give and take balances itself out over the course of the relationship.
But what if that never occurs? What if the vacuum just keeps on sucking the comfort, encouragement and advice endlessly? They take what makes them feel good and spit back, like toxic dust particles, that which they don’t want to hear, letting them fall harshly on your head without a care. Their only concern is their own well-being. It doesn’t occur to them that others may be affected by their behavior. Too much vacuuming in one place will eventually unravel the threads. All that will be left is a flat, threadbare tear.
So the question is, when is it okay to walk away? When does the extended grace just become cheap grace that is expected because it has always been shown? It isn’t a question of forgiveness. Forgiveness can be given in one’s heart even when you’re not being asked to do so by the offender. But does that mean one is required to continue sitting under this toxic dust cloud? When is it okay to shake off the dust, to detox? The answer, I think, can be different for everyone depending on what the Lord is doing in your life at the moment. Prayer is where we find our answers to these difficult questions. This is the most important strategy we can have because without the guidance of the Lord we tend to act strictly on our emotions. And, while our emotions are legitimate responses they aren’t always wise ones. So, if you find yourselves wrestling with difficult people that are taking up too much negative mental real estate, seek the face of God and he will direct your ways.
“The temptations in your life are no different than what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”
1 Corinthians 10:12
“If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave.” Matthew 10:14